Depression was something which haunted me for a long while. When I read about the dangerous side-effects of the medications provided by the so called doctors, who just want repeated customers, I was scared to approach them. I tried going to the gym and do things which kept my mind off depressing thoughts, but the effects wouldn’t last long. I even tried talking with friends, but their responses were, “Do not do anything stupid.”. I don’t want to do anything stupid unless you put such thoughts into my head. I just wanted someone who would listen to my story and would say everything will be alright. That is when I tried to do which I thought was the least effective way, meditation.
After following the path of meditation, it was easy for me to control thoughts. I could easily make a negative scenario into something positive with least effort. Life was going so smooth for six months until the media and the people decided to spread awareness about depression, over the suicide of a celebrity. At first when I came across the news, it just was a news. People die daily, whether it be suicide, illness, accidents or a natural death. But what followed it was the trigger which destroyed my six months of meditation and I took a time jump back to the stage where I was.
People started to share about awareness about mental health. Mental health is a serious issue and it can lead to suicide, which people suffering from mental illness already know. That is why we seek help from others. We have suicidal thoughts, which we try to bury deep down, but reminding us about suicide is not going to help. We don’t want to think about suicide, no one wants, but when there is too much pressure and uncontrollable thoughts, people just break and do something. And the best part is, not everyone who commits suicide does it out of depression.
Although the intentions of normal thinking people was just to help people who couldn’t think normal, the method was wrong. Reminding us, that suicide is dangerous and is not the right way, puts more pressure on us. We don’t think suicide as an option, but when you share something about suicide, we don’t care if it is good or bad, we can only focus on suicide, we cannot think otherwise at a depressing state. People shared posts like “If you have suicidal thoughts, I am here to help you, you can talk to me.” The reason we have suicidal thoughts is because you cannot understand what we have to say. You expect us to think like a normal person and lead a normal life, which we cannot do with our mental state, and that is why we cannot talk to you.
At the end, I found a friend who overcame his depression and was ready to listen to what I had to say. I told him about the unstoppable train of thoughts which were running through my head and he just listened, and that is all I wanted, someone to whom I can talk about how I feel, without him judging me to be suicidal. We are happy in our own terms, and like everyone else, we also get down at time, only a little more depressing than a normal person would. Life is filled with ups and down, and the same applies for a depressed person. So please stop looking at us like someone who is suicidal. If you really want to help, stop sharing about suicide, stop putting suicidal thoughts into our head and just listen to what we have to say for a change.